‘You’re a mama’s boy’: Woman Is Fed Up With Her Spoiled Husband Never Helping Around the House, She Calls for Divorce

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    r/relationship_advice • Fantastic_Guess 1918 My (28F) husband (33M) has been babied by his mother all his life and now its ruining our marriage, what can I do?
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    I genuinely don't even know where to start with this because we have so much history together, but here we go.
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    My husband and I have been. married for 10+ years and I'm now learning what weaponized incompetence is. I spent the first several years of our marriage begging for the least bit of help, promises were made and always broken.
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    I grew up in a household of 5. (2 parents, 3 kids) We learned how to share responsibilities at a young age and always worked together to keep the house nice.
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    My husband grew up pretty much an only child because his sister is 10 years older than him and was in and out of the house through his very young years. The big difference between our families is money. He grew up with a maid... and anything the maid didn't do, his mother did. He had no chores,
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    no responsibilities.
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    I was young and naive when we got married and assumed that he would grow up. That he would share the housework and not leave me with literally everything. I honestly didn't even expect 50/50. I would have taken 90% if he'd just do 10%. He did nothing. I mean NOTHING. I didn't want to
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    put up with it and I tried my hardest not to. We argued about it alll the time.
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    Fast forward to now. Have the arguments about cleaning stopped? Absolutely not. They are MUCH less frequent because I feel like a part of me has truly given up. I struggle with severe depression and have throughout pretty much my whole life. I was diagnosed at 6 years old. He
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    knows how bad my struggles have been and that's what makes it harder to accept that he has been leaving me hanging for all these years.
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    The house has fallen into disarray because I can't keep up with it. It's a 3 bedroom because our plans were for two children. It's just us and our 2 cats. Why? Because I couldn't raise a child on my own. Married but in nearly. every way I feel single. I feel alone
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    throughout everything all the time.
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    I gave him an empty threat of divorce last week. (empty because I have no one and nowhere else to go)
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    He got up and did the dishes. I was in shock, the first thing he's done. Immediately afterwards my rocky confidence in his ability to change was shattered more when he approached me and waited PRAISE for cleaning the dishes.
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    Now every argument sounding like, "hey, let's NOT make a mtn dew can pyramid next to the bed?" or "Can you stop shoving food down the sink drain that has no disposal? because the entire house smells like rotting food now??" ALWAYS ends with, "BUT I DID THE DISHES!"
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    This man got a job from his mother at 16, at a business she owned, in a position that she created for him. She has paid him weekly regardless of whether he shows up or not. For the record now, he hasn't been to work in nearly a year, so I don't want to hear that "He has a job and
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    you're at home" because no. he does not.
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    I just feel like I'm in such a bad place now and I feel completely trapped. I don't want to leave; I just want things to be better. I want him to hear me. I want him to care about how stressed I constantly am. I feel like I am. starting to harbor resentment and I just don't know what to do.
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    Thewhirlwindblitz • 11h ago Divorce. He won't change.
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    Beck2010 ⚫11h ago Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Still complaining, stressed out, carrying the full mental and physical load, and looking 25+ years older?
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    Or do you see yourself in a job, independent, happy, and no longer caring for a 33 (43 then) child?
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    You're making a decision by failing to do better by yourself. Get a job. Have a separate bank account AT A DIFFERENT BANK. Start getting your ducks in a row for divorce.
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    Important-Ad3344 • 11h ago He's not gonna change after 10 years. It's best to file for divorce and move on. It sucks, but he's not going to change at this point.
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    Helpful_Librarian... • 11h ago You know he won't change, don't you? He has no incentive, no drive and sees no need for him to change. So, you either wallow in whatever this relationship is, or you cut your losses now
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    Chance-Bread-315 • 10h ago Ok as a fellow 28yr old woman, you're still so young. You have got a long, long life ahead of you - it isn't too late to start over and a) live happily and independently and b) find a
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    partner who loves and respects you, and shows you that respect every day.
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    Chemical_Impact... 10h ago He doesn't care. He doesn't hear you. He won't change. Save yourself and divorce.
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    • Rip Dirtbag ⚫ 10h ago Married for 10+ years and you're 28?

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